égoïste
by inuyasha's lullaby - farewell
Summary: Stupid, stupid, stupid. I don't deserve love.


Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

Does it look like I can be loved? No? It doesn't?

That's what I thought.

Don't expect me to return love, then.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

I was too selfish towards her. Pretty sure I drove her to the breaking point. Who would want a smart-ass like me?

Hell, _I _wouldn't even want me, and that's saying something.

It makes sense that she would gravitate to that visionary of a boy. Well, I guess I wouldn't call him a "visionary", but that's because under my "I-don't-give-a-damn" façade, I'm actually an ex-boyfriend who felt scorned despite the fact that it was _my _fault. All my freakin' fault. Yep.

I was selfish.

I was a brat – no, I was a jackass. A major one, in fact.

Damnit, what they say about not appreciating what you have until you lose it was true. Shocking.

I hate the fact that the world was actually right.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

That blue-haired beauty deserves a person who could treat her better. Shut up, Pit-stain; I can hear you saying, "I told you so!" You didn't tell me anything. I'm pretty both you and your stupid goddess wanted to see me crash and burn while the princess runs off to that future-seeing prick.

Can he even really see into the future? I think it's a scam.

Or maybe it's because my jealousy is telling me it's a scam.

…No, no, I really think it's a scam.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

I really miss gazing into that her deep blue eyes. One of the eyes held a very special mark. Don't remember which one, though; I seldom see her anymore. I think I'm forgetting all of her beautiful attributes.

The fact that I don't even remember proves that I originally didn't care, doesn't it?

I'm not preparing a very good pity case for myself, am I?

Why am I throwing you a barrage of questions?

'Cause I can. I am a dark angel; I do what I want. Deal with it, bastard.

Oh, there it goes. The kind of thinking that screwed me over so greatly.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

I am so selfish and mean and rude, it's actually _fucking hilarious_. Ha, ha, ha. Ha! Her father saw it quickly. Those cocky silver-haired twin bastards saw it. Even the prince – or should I say king? – saw it. They all saw who I could be. They all knew what I would do.

But she didn't. She was oblivious to the true nature of the fallen angel.

So, me feeling so broken and lost is her fault, right?

Right?

_Right?_

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

I feel like the world's crashing down upon. I need to let my feelings out. Maybe in a story?

Maybe not. The story would be really short, anyway. There wouldn't be much of a story to tell, anyway.

Just the story of how a boy messed up grandly.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

I saw future boy today. Surprised he even noticed me. Surprised I even gave him the chance to see me in all my crappy glory. He waved and smiled at me. Fucking _smiled_. Of course, I automatically thought he was mocking, so I responded appropriately.

I punched him in the face. Made sure I drew blood. Stole his sword, too.

The hell's a Monado? What does it even do? Who even makes a sword like this?

I'm pretty sure having a hole in your sword makes it impractical.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

I'm in big trouble. Trouble I don't give a damn about, but trouble nonetheless. The once-love of my life has been leaving me messages constantly. Demanding I apologize and return the property that I _totally _barrowed without permission.

Don't care. Not my fault. I reacted the way I wanted to. I've lost everything I'd ever wanted, so I'm pretty sure the rules of the world doesn't apply to me anymore.

I should probably respond soon. Tell her I threw away her pretty boy's sword.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

Like, I _really _don't deserve love.

I'm an out-of-control angel, and I have come to accept the fact that I will never change.

So screw it all. Let me act like I was born to act.

This is why no one should love me. You won't like what you receive.

And this is why I shouldn't love anyone. I won't like what I give.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

You know what I realized? I don't want to be here anymore.

This world has no real meaning anymore. Nothing's fun, everything sucks. Kinda like Pit-stain, now that I think about it.

Is it because I'm living it without her that everything's so bland?

Yeah…no, it's not. At least I don't think so.

Yep.

See you never.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

Does it look like I can be loved? No? It doesn't?

That's what I thought.

Don't expect me to return love, then.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I don't deserve love.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

* * *

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Bye.

* * *

**Ah…never let a girl write fanfiction after getting no sleep for no more than three hours. Whoa.**


End file.
